Sometimes Life Blows!

I hate winter! There are so many reasons why I hate winter but one thing I do enjoy about winter is the ease of staying inside and avoiding others! Working for a school, I even sometimes get the advantage of snow days when I don't even have to go to work. So, I can't say that I hate everything about winter. Also, my son was a winter baby (unexpectedly) so it's definitely not all bad.

But this winter has seemed exceptionally terrible and I have to blame it on the fact that sometimes life just blows!! There are things that happen that you just can't control and it's going to really suck sometimes. The only thing you can do is just live through it and come out on the other side.

Working as a School Counselor, I have so many students who don't know how to handle difficult emotions and it's gotten worse in more recent years. Unfortunately, a lot of parents don't help the situation. And I completely get it ~ we want to keep our kids from experiencing any pain! I would obviously jump in front of a bullet for my son as I know we all would as parents. Seeing our kids in pain is the worst thing a parent can experience. However, there are certain things we have to go through and experience to be able to become functioning adults and sometimes those things might be painful and uncomfortable.

Let me give you an example. There is a difference between having anxiety and having an anxiety disorder. I have multiple students and/or parents a week telling me that they can't participate in something or they can't do something else or they need extra help with something because they have anxiety. Nope, we all have anxiety. It is a normal life function. Anxiety defined is "mental and physical nervousness and uneasiness, often resulting in increased tension, usually associated with pressure to please, fear of failure, or fear of the unknown."

Think about the cavemen (and women). If they didn't experience some anxiety, they would have just walked into the cave of a sabertooth tiger and gotten eaten! Anxiety made them cautious. Anxiety is literally necessary for survival.

On the other hand, Anxiety Disorders are characterized by a "chronic state of tension, uneasiness, worry, and fear that is reoccurring and has no known source or cause." When anxiety starts to make it difficult for you to function in your daily life, it might be diagnosed as a disorder. Typically, this has to have inhibited your life for at least 6 months or more. Once it gets to this level, then yes, some things in your life might need to be altered and or supported.

Emotions are icky and a lot of times they make us uncomfortable. But it is through this discomfort that we learn and grow. If we never let our kids experience these uncomfortable feelings when they are little and have us to lean on for support, then they will have no idea how to tackle them out in the grown up world all alone.

The best thing you can do for your children is to support them through the hard emotions. Hold them. Cry with them. Let them be angry and scared sometimes. Because that is reality.

My stepfather passed away very suddenly right before Christmas this year and it was really hard. My eight-year-old son, who is already very sensitive, was very close with John. When John was in the hospital and we all sort of knew it was close to the end, I really struggled with what to do with my son. Do I bring him to the hospital to see his grandpa and say goodbye? Do I shield him from all of it so that he doesn't feel sad? He is going to feel the loss, how close to the situation do I bring him?

I don't want to see my son in pain or sad. I really went back and forth with what to do. I asked my husband, my mom, my best friend. None of them knew the right answer ~ because there isn't one. We'd never navigated this terrain before. So, I did the only thing I knew how to do ~ I let my son decide.

He came to the hospital and said goodbye to his grandpa and it was brutal. But it was his decision and my husband and I were there for him. He went to the funeral and it was even worse but he did it. He still brings it up in really weird situations but he knows he can talk about his grandpa and that it's ok.

Guess what, now my son knows that he can handle a really shitty situation! He can be the saddest he's ever been and he can come out on the other side. He knows that feelings are temporary and he has the confidence in himself to work through really hard emotions.

I wish we could shield our kids from all the crap. But honestly, we aren't helping them at all if we do.

(Definitions from The Counseling Dictionary, 4th Edition by Samuel T. Gladding)