When you have to tame Mama Bear

Most nights, right before my son goes to bed, we lay in my bed for anywhere from ten minutes to an hour or so. Sometimes I’m watching a show and he’s playing a video game. Sometimes we’re watching a movie together. Sometimes we’re just talking. Last night was one of those times. He told me something that crushed my mom heart. He told me that a younger kid at after-school-care called him fat. 

With tears in both of our eyes, I asked him if he wanted me to run over the child with my car. Because that’s what we do in our house - NO - not run over small children. We often fix tears with laughter. After we chuckled for a bit, I asked him, honestly, if he wanted me to get involved. He said no, he just wanted to forget about it.

An added bonus, I know this kid’s mom and every little bit of me wanted to say something to her but it’s not my fight. It’s his and I have to remember that. I can’t unleash Mama Bear every time she wants to come out because that’s not actually helping my son. 

We hugged and talked about how some people just say mean things sometimes and we have to let it go. We talked about how great he is and what a good friend he is. We talked about all the amazing things about him that have nothing to do with what he looks like ~ because that is what is important. I promised him that I would not get involved and I have to honor that.

As a middle school counselor, I have seen a vast array of different parenting styles. I don’t judge because I think every parent and every child is different and no one knows their children like a parent does. However, I think nowadays parents are very quick to jump in and take over for their kids. While I completely, 100% understand this impulse, it isn’t teaching our kids how to deal with these difficult situations and uncomfortable emotions. When we are too quick to jump in and ‘fix’ things, our kids are exempt from the lessons of problem solving and navigating these relationships. 

Honestly, all I can do is make sure that my kid knows how incredible he is and always offer him a soft place to land. He IS amazing and he CAN do hard things. I just have to be willing to let him. And that, my friends, is one of motherhood’s hardest jobs.